FEAR OF CONSISTENCY DAY 8.
“I believe in the realness of our experiences and how we deal with it.”
Today is the 8th day of my journal and I’m seriously having the urge to stop at this point. Let me put a brake to it here, let this be the last one on this series.
Sigh, content creators really do a lot 😪 and to think I’m merely giving a narrative to what I did for the day. I mean, could it be any easier? 😔
Anyways I’ve promised myself to go through with this. If I can’t keep a promise to myself and that tells you I won’t be able to keep any other I’ve made to those around me. This is part of the process 💯
Okay, okay, this is where I turn on the music on my headset as I share today’s experience with you. I’d change the narrative style today by reshuffling the segments.
What did I do differently today?
I’m sure you remember my peril with being distant from those around me. I love my personal space (which is normal) but my mistake was being too attached that I always thought everyone trying to be friendly was drawing me out of that space. What I should have realized is that I had the ability to bring people into my space too. I could share a few hours, minutes with them while in my space. It’s about the intention to be involved in the matters of people you “care” about.
You really can’t show you care, if you don’t act same. We can’t decipher, we aren’t mind readers, we process actions. We do.
Today, I had to find those few moments to be available for those who needed me. I picked my calls almost immediately to help, I replied messages as soon as I saw them(mind you, not when they delivered cos I have my schedule too) Most importantly, in the course of my schedule I took those breaks to make sure I wasn’t keeping anyone in limbo. I think I’m getting better at it.
I particularly didn’t meet up with today because I had a personal goal (I’m sorry it’s confidential) Interestingly, I thought to carry on with this in the evening or later at night but no. I prefer my early mornings.
Having had a full day of constantly checking up on books yesterday, phew I couldn’t go through with today’s.
I tried, but mehn I was exhausted. I prayed, I opened up a few notes. To be clear these are academic texts and nahh the vibe wasn’t there. The question is ; Do you read cos of the vibe or out of necessity?
I felt pretty embarrassed by the thought and decided to give it a go. Interestingly, it worked not well. I am just being frank with you, so don’t expect me to sugar coat it. It’s tiring, frustrating yet I found peace somehow. Maybe it was the prayers, maybe it was the encouraging words from mentors, but yes, I had the embarrassment together 😑
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt overtime is that I’m no longer scared to fail and neither am I scared to share it. I believe in the realness of our experiences and how we deal with it.
Tomorrow is a great day, a new one to learn and grow 🚀
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